


A Better Kind of Life

by emilystarr1



Category: Cold Case
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-20
Updated: 2010-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-13 21:09:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/141749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilystarr1/pseuds/emilystarr1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jimmy Bruno, four years after the events of "Forever Blue". His family worries he's lonely, but Jimmy doesn't think so. An unexpected meeting could prove him wrong, though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Better Kind of Life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nomnivore](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nomnivore/gifts).



> Thank you to my wonderful betas! ♥
> 
> This story was written in memory of Jerry, and in a spirit of honouring that memory. I hope it is taken in that way and is a positive experience. Also, the kitty in this story is in no way based on any real creature, but is simply a little homage to a lovely beast I never had the pleasure of meeting. I hope you enjoy the story as much as I enjoyed writing it (it's one of my favourite episodes! :D), and happy Yuletide! ♥

The din and chaos that was Thanksgiving was enough to make Jimmy feel grateful, all on its own. A family – children and grandchildren and friends, all healthy, all, undoubtedly, _loud_ , and all, for the most part, happy. And loving.

He couldn't forget loving.

The bird was nearly gone and the grandkids were flicking peas or bits of stuffing at each other at the little table set up for them in the living room – most of the adults watched a little indulgently, too full and satisfied to want to do anything about it, or to actually take action if they did. Except for Danny. He took after Godfather Coop, that boy did. And nothing would distract him from lapping up the last vestiges of gravy with a piece of Eileen's fresh-baked bread.

Jimmy leaned back and smiled at her, and she smiled back. The kids, he knew, had convinced her to invite him. But he also knew that she hadn't needed much convincing. After all, she had Henry now. She was still hurt, but – well, god, they _had_ loved each other, even if it was … complicated. And after finding out Coop had been killed by one of their own, the way it had all gone down – he'd been rattled.

More than rattled, if he was honest with himself. Devastated. It had brought everything back. And he'd done the first thing he could think of to do. He'd gone to his wife.

Somehow, he still thought of her that way, even today, even as she was married to someone else. Because they still had _something_ , and that couldn't be denied.

"Jimmy?" She'd been shocked when she answered the door, eyes wide – no doubt not only because she hadn't expected to see him, but because he probably looked like hell.

"I'm so sorry," he'd said simply, and then he'd started to bawl, right there on her doorstep. After a flustered moment or two she'd ushered him in, with a quick glance to the surrounding houses and their windows – after all, her husband was at work and this was – was – well, obviously _strange_ , if not downright unseemly. They'd talked for hours – Eileen had even shed a few tears, herself – and by the end of it, well, they weren't exactly friends yet. But more on their way. Honesty seemed to go a long way with her – which was pretty much the opposite of everything Jimmy had ever learned about telling things to women, but he was starting to think that most of what he'd been taught his whole life was worth shit.

After that talk, she'd said he should tell the kids. At first, he'd just stared at her in naked horror, not being able to imagine how _that_ talk would go, not at all. But some small, inner part of him recognized how vital it really was.

"Yeah, you're right," he'd said, softly, almost sighing. "But there's something I gotta do first."

He'd went to the spot where Coop had died. He told him he was sorry. He'd cried.

Later on, Jimmy had realized that was the first moment he had ever truly accepted himself. He wondered if that was one last gift from Cooper.

That night he'd called the kids and invited them all over to his place the next night. And the moment they'd all arrived, he'd promptly then taken them to a crap Denny's, just like when they were kids and had had to go to the doctor's. Sitting there, surrounded by his adult children, Jimmy's nerve almost failed. But then that same little niggling sense of rightness and almost-peace had come back to haunt him, and there, in the restaurant, over liver and onions (the manliest thing he had thought to order), he'd told them. He'd expected anger, or tears, or disgust.

For all three of them, it had been more like an "aha" moment than anything else Jimmy could have dreamed up. It had almost pissed him off, if he hadn't been so grateful. That his kids had known before him, really. Well, before he had accepted it of himself. And that it had somehow _explained_ their father to them. It was all confusing and truly humiliating (he never liked talking about _that stuff_ – … sex … stuff, which _gay_ just seemed to _imply_ , you couldn't _not_ think of sex when it was mentioned, it seemed to Jimmy – with anybody, much less his children), but when it was over his daughter hugged him and his sons had given him healthy thumps to the back and suddenly, he'd felt lighter than he could ever remember feeling before in his life.

So this Thanksgiving dinner was a pity invite, pretty much, and Jimmy knew it. It was still nice, though, and Jimmy knew that, too. Because pity or not, it still meant love.

Looking around the table, though, Jimmy couldn't help thinking that the woman was crazy to host this thing. She was crazy to cook for it. Weren't there people you could hire to do that for you, these days?

He was about to ask that very thing when he caught his daughter Rose staring at him. Probably a good thing. He could really put his mouth in it sometimes when he wasn't kept in check.

"What?" He smiled, a little sleepily, good turkey dinner heavy in his stomach, and surrounded by family. She had that frown on her face; the one like her mother's, that made her eyebrows shove down into one long thick line. It reminded him of a caveman when he saw it, though he knew enough to never mention _that_ to anybody.

"We're worried about you, Dad."

Jimmy heaved an internal sigh. Rose was usually chosen as spokeswoman for the rest of them- he was too likely to get a little too hot-headed with the boys when they brought up anything too disagreeable.

"Nothing to worry about, Rosey."

She gathered her hair into a bun at her neck and then started combing it out with her fingers, sighing loudly. "I think you're lonely."

One thing about Rosey, she never danced bullshit with you.

"I'm not."

"What would you have done if Mom hadn't invited you tonight?"

Jimmy guessed that "a TV turkey dinner and football" would not have satisfied Rose, though he was perfectly fine with it. So he just mumbled that he didn't know and threw a panicked glance Eileen's way, hoping she'd jump up and bring in a pie or something. After all, what was he being attacked for? He had a great life, still in softball and bowling with guys from the force and a great family – he didn't need to defend himself.

But no such luck, with pie or any other kind of reprieve. It seemed everyone at the table was staring at him now. Even the grandkids seemed quieter. Jimmy guessed that, unbeknownst to him, this conversation had been coming for a long time. He leaned forward and blew a whoosh of air out his lips before addressing his daughter. And the rest of his staring family.

"Honey, I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. I – I feel like I'm really _myself_ for the first time." He couldn't help but smile a little when he said that, although he gave Eileen a quick little worried glance, as well. But she seemed fine, just listening, and so he went on.

"This is a wonderful meal, and a good time to be with my family. But if I hadn't been invited …" He trailed off, imagining it. It would have been a little lonely, if his kids weren't there. "Well, you kids would've had to come over and share some Swanson's, that's all."

He'd meant it as a joke, but everyone looked down and he knew he'd failed miserably. Damn. He'd just meant –

"Family's important, not the meal," he said hurriedly, and Rose leaned forward again, almost scarily intent.

"That's what I'm talking about, Dad. I want – " She looked around the table and corrected herself. " _We_ want to know that you've got family with you, even when we're not there. I want you to be happy. You know?"

He knew. But he was happy. A relationship? He genuinely felt he didn't need one.

But Jimmy got the feeling that that wasn't what any of them wanted to hear.

 

*

 

It wasn't that long a walk to his home from Eileen's – and it was a nice walk, too. It hadn't snowed yet, so everything was colourful, if a little dirty-looking, and there was a pretty cold wind blowing, but he was bundled up, so it was all good. He enjoyed the wind on his face, the smell of dying and burning leaves.

But Rose, her face and her words, he couldn't really get it all out of his head for some reason. He didn't _think_ he wanted a relationship. He was still in love with Cooper, if he was dead-honest about it. And he had a great life. He really didn't need anything else.

At the same time, he realized that _need_ was not exactly the same thing as want, and that was going to take some thinking over on his part.

Suddenly Jimmy was aware of a strange sound. A mix between a quiet wail and a growl. He looked up, startled to see a heavy cat so gray it was almost blue glaring at him from a thick tree branch about five feet above his head.

Jimmy stopped short and rolled his eyes to the heavens. It wasn't like he could just leave the thing trapped. But his gentlemanly cat-rescuing days were days that he had thought he'd left far behind him. Besides, this was a _big_ cat. Angry-looking sucker, too. And while Jimmy was in good shape, he doubted his tree-climbing ability. He didn't think he'd done anything like it since his twenties.

He sighed, and ran a hand through his hair, and looked up at the cat again. It didn't _look_ like it wanted to come down. But Jimmy knew from experience that he couldn't trust that instinct. Damn cats were always getting caught up in trees and then acting angry when you helped them. It was like they didn't _understand_ that birds weren't just going to fly into their mouths and give them proper sustenance if they just froze and stayed there.

Sighing again, Jimmy approached the tree and searched for a foothold, and started to climb. He wasn't far off the ground when a voice startled him. He was lucky he didn't fall flat on his ass. He simply froze, just like the damn cat, and clung to the tree.

"Hey!"

It took a moment to process. The voice didn't sound angry. Maybe startled. Jimmy was grateful that he wasn't about to get his ass kicked. He hadn't thought about the whole trespassing aspect of trying to rescue the tree-cat. He turned around slowly, hopping down from the tree, and saw a man running towards him from the building belonging to the yard. The guy reached him, panting a little, and Jimmy leapt down lightly.

"Sorry!" The guy gasped. He was about Jimmy's age, maybe a couple years older, and handsome – despite the striped pajamas he was wearing. They made him look like a kid.

"I just – I was on the second floor when I saw you, wanted to make sure you didn't go after Candy."

Jimmy gave the man a confused look, and then turned his head to see if a woman was behind him. The man laughed, and then pointed upwards, his eyes twinkling. Damn if the guy's eyes didn't actually _twinkle_. They were a deep dark brown, the color of earth in springtime. Jimmy found himself liking those eyes.

"Candy," the man clarified, pointing at the cat. "She's a flirt, I tell you. Every week somebody's trying to rescue her and every week, somebody gets their head ripped off." The guy grinned easily, and stuck out his hand. "David Francis."

The grin was infectious. "Jimmy Bruno," Jimmy said, shaking the guy's hand and trying to not stare into his eyes too much. "So. Candy. She's your cat, I take it."

"Yup." David nodded. "And I feel your pain, I do. A lovely female like her in distress, you want to save her." He laughed. "It's even worse for me. I was a fireman, so I still feel it's my bound duty or something. But that girl don't want down. She just likes watching everybody." He smiled fondly up at the cat. "And flirting."

Jimmy smiled up at the cat, too, who suddenly looked a lot friendlier now that he didn't feel the need to "rescue" her. Then he looked back at the handsome guy – David – and did something he would never stop blushing over 'till the day he died.

"I'm gay," he blurted, his mouth working and speaking before his brain could catch up to it. When it did, he was mortified. Oh, my God. _What_ had he just said?

David laughed. "Uh. Thank you? For the information?"

Jimmy covered his face with his hands. He wasn't embarrassed about being gay, not anymore, but to just _say_ it like that, out of nowhere, to a complete stranger! It was just – it was just _weird_. Why on Earth had he done it?

"I'm sorry," he said, bringing his hands down and trying to laugh. "I – I don't know what got into me. But, um – God, yeah." He really did laugh now. It was so ridiculous! He fought for something to say. "But I know what you mean. I was a cop. Felt I couldn't just leave her up there."

David nodded, still smiling. "Yep. A curse of the civil servant. But it sounds like you got it better."

Jimmy tilted his head. "…Why?"

"Well, you got to have cuffs! That's a perk we never got."

It took Jimmy a minute. Then he busted out laughing.

"Never would've thought of it that way!" Oh God. Was he blushing?

He was blushing.

"But yeah," he continued, still grinning. He was grinning like a fool teenager, that's what he was doing. He struggled to bring himself under control. "Guess it could have been."

A small note of sadness had entered his voice. There were an awful lot of might-have-beens in his life.

David seemed to notice. A look of concern flashed through his eyes. "You know, we ex-civil servants should really stick together." He smiled, and Jimmy realized, with a bolt to the stomach that he recognized but hadn't felt in far too long, that being civil servants were not the only thing they had in common.

And when David continued on to ask Jimmy if he'd like to go bowling sometime, Jimmy didn't hesitate. He said yes.

 

*

 

The nicest part of the friendship with David was the walks. They'd both be so bundled up they could barely see each other, but the cold made the sky seem more starry and calm at night and everything seemed beautiful despite the cold. They'd talk.

He told David about Coop. David had hugged him, and – Jimmy couldn't really describe the feeling that had come over him. It seemed that he'd never felt it before, and so he didn't have words for it.

David had been out much longer – years. He'd had a relationship, but it had ended.

"Now I wonder if it was ever really right," he told Jimmy, looking ahead at the sidewalk before them. "Or if I was just trying to push myself into something to prove it to myself. That I could. Or that it _could_ be right."

Somehow, Jimmy understood. He'd never felt forced into the relationship with Cooper – forced out of it, was more like it – but he understood that push. That you almost had to prove it to yourself, who you were, instead of just accepting it.

Cooper had taught him to just accept it. And he was so grateful for it now.

They went on one of these walks just before Christmas. And David took Jimmy's hand in his own. Even through their gloves, Jimmy could feel the warmth.

"So, kid," David said after a moment, still not looking at Jimmy, who grimaced playfully. David was five years older – hardly enough of a difference to justify the "kid" label. But he still liked it when David used it.

"I was wondering – I – I was wondering if you'd want to have Christmas dinner at my place."

Jimmy stumbled. Maybe he should have been expecting that. But he wasn't. It took him a minute to gather his wits and get his balance back.

"Um. Of course!" Never mind the panicked yelling in his mind about meeting David's family or that this sounded potentially like a date or that _Christmas_ was a pretty big-ticket holiday to spend with someone and that all this was going too fast and he kind of liked having David all to himself without actually having to think about how he wanted him all to himself and that this meant a gift – oh, shit, _gifts_ – or even that he hadn't really even thought about what he wanted to do for Christmas at all. He didn't even know which of his kids were hosting it this year. Worries and panic and confusion and he just – he just _didn't know_ – but his mouth knew before his brain again and the words were out.

"Yeah, I'd like that," he continued, trying to ignore all the shouting inner voices. "Thanks for the invite."

David's smile – it was a beautiful thing to behold. It made Jimmy's mouth and throat go dry, like he hadn't had water in years.

"I'm so glad," David said easily, and he pulled the hand in his to rest against his chest for a moment, looking at Jimmy now. "It's a date."

So.

Definitely a date.

 

*

 

Jimmy decided, in lieu of gifts, he would bring food. After far too long a period of deliberation, pacing the nearest grocery back and forth while trying to decide, he picked up a fancy enough-looking tray with little cake bits on it – little bites of cake that seemed absolutely pointless but were colourful and, Jimmy hoped, at least gave the impression that he had tried. Which he had. And he couldn't imagine trying to come up with an actual gift for David, not to mention any family that might be there. Jimmy knew he had a sister, but that was all David had talked about. He hadn't mentioned anyone else.

He'd called Rose, and she'd instructed him on everything from what to wear to what to say to which fork to use – not that he remembered any of it two minutes after the phone call ended. Give him any year and he could rattle off twenty different baseball stats but all that Rose had lectured him about was like water through his hands. He just couldn't catch it.

He appreciated her, though – said Jack was hosting this year and that Jimmy could come later, if he wanted – but that everyone understood. And Rose herself sounded like she'd keel right over in excitement.

"Oh, Daddy, I can't wait to meet him! I'm so excited!"

"Now, don't go getting all over – overwrought or excited or anything," Jimmy warned, alarmed. Rose had a tendency for … the dramatic. And for anyone who was a little more low-key, it was … well, Jimmy would never say _embarrassing_ , but it could turn out to be a little awkward, sometimes.

She promised she wouldn't. But there was more gushing before he finally got off the phone with her. She was making too big a deal out of something that wasn't a big deal, at all. They were friends. Who held hands.

And spent Christmas together.

All these thoughts bombarded Jimmy as he walked up the now-familiar stairs to David's apartment. Again, he tried to quiet them as he balanced the cake tray in one hand and knocked on David's door with the other.

After a moment, the door opened, David standing there smiling, with Candy winding around his ankles.

"Welcome, welcome, come on in," David said, stepping back and letting Jimmy in, who looked around nervously and then felt his stomach drop. There was no one else here.

They were alone.

 _Yeah_ , Jimmy thought to himself. _This is **definitely** a freaking date. _

 

*

 

David took the cake platter from Jimmy and plopped into a worn but comfortable-looking chair beside a well-scratched sofa, both of which were in front of a large flat-screen TV. David gestured for Jimmy to sit on the couch, and Jimmy did, slowly, still trying to get his bearings.

"This looks great. Colourful," David said, opening up the plastic tray and popping a cake bite into his mouth. "You didn't have to bring anything, though."

"Oh, well." Jimmy absentmindedly scratched at his shoulder, looking around the apartment. The kitchen had a small table, set with candles. They'd decided to order in a pizza or Chinese food later – anywhere that would deliver. But _candles_. And there was a tree, too – a pretty big one, all decked out. Jimmy was surprised anyone would put this much effort into celebrating by themselves.

It was strange. And Candy was looking at him as if, inwardly, she were laughing at him and would be highly amused any other time she ever encountered him in the future.

"We'll order dinner in a little while, I guess," David said, settling back into his chair.

"I – I thought there were going to be more people," Jimmy blurted, then immediately became self-conscious. Why did he always do that around this guy? Usually he was pretty self-congratulatory about how smooth and in control he was, but this guy just smashed all that right to hell.

David shook his head, his face tightening a little. "Nope."

"That your family would be here," Jimmy added, and almost smacked himself. It was like he couldn't stop – he just said whatever he thought! God, he needed to shut up, and quick.

David's head dropped a little, and he looked up at his Christmas tree. "Nah. My sister's got her family in New York and my parents died a good while ago." He grinned suddenly, a little cynically. "Made sure to not come out until they were gone."

Jimmy half-shrugged. "Don't blame you. It's better than getting outed when your wife catches you kissing your best friend."

David stared at him a moment, and then barked a good loud laugh. "No! You're joking!"

"I wish." Jimmy smiled grimly, but then his expression lightened. "Actually, no, I'm glad it happened that way. I think now maybe it happened just the way it was supposed to."

There was silence for a moment – silence in which the Christmas tree lights glowed over them and Candy blinked slowly up at them from her spot in front of the tree. Jimmy suddenly felt most of his nervousness dissipate – it felt kind of ... _right_ here.

Then David slowly stood, stepped over, and sank down onto the couch beside Jimmy. The closeness of him made Jimmy take shallow little breaths, made his head spin just a little bit. The old panic came back in a force so strong Jimmy was amazed he stayed upright.

It seemed like, at that moment, Coop's voice floated through his mind. Jimmy realized how lucky he was, just how incredibly _lucky_.

And he guessed that maybe it was his turn to be the fearless one.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to David's. At first he was terrified that David wouldn't respond, but he could feel David kissing him back, could feel the warmth, the staccato bursts of excitement travelling through him –

Jimmy had always wanted to recapture the feeling of those stolen moments with Coop – just brushing the back of their hands together. Tentatively, he reached forward, brushed his knuckles over David's arm. Jimmy shivered almost violently. He didn't know what to do with these feelings, with the strength of them. He kissed David harder, suddenly reaching up and grasping his hair, pulling his head closer.

After a few moments, moments that seemed endless and far too short all at once, Jimmy pulled back to take in a gasp of air, shocked at himself, at what had just happened and how strongly he felt about it all.

"Hey," he said, smiling, still feeling David's lips on his. David's eyes were smiling, warm, staring at him with a new intensity Jimmy liked. "Wanna go somewhere?"

 

*

 

Jack opened the door, his jaw dropping. Jimmy couldn't help but grin a little, even through his nervousness.

"Hey, Jack. Uh. Could we … come in?"

Jack looked them both over a moment, and honestly, he looked a little bit freaked out, and it showed in his voice, too, when he answered a little too jovially. But it didn't matter how it was said, what mattered was _what_ was said.

"Sure, Dad! Yeah! Sure. C'mon in."

Jack stepped back, and was suddenly shoved out of the way by Rose, wearing a bright green dress and holding a glass.

"Dad!" She yelled it. Jimmy blushed as she threw herself at him, spilling some of her drink on the front entranceway as she hugged him. And then he blushed harder, because Rose saw David.

"Ohmigod, you're _him!_ " And then she was immediately throwing herself upon David as well. Jimmy could barely keep himself from covering his face with his hands.

But Rose's next words nearly killed him early, they really did. "Welcome to the family!"

" _ROSE_." Jimmy turned to David quickly, a little panicked. "I'm sorry, she's just – always been over-exuberant, don't – "

Laughing, David put a calming hand on Jimmy's arm, leaving it there as they kicked off their shoes and headed deeper into the house. "That's okay, kid. Can never have too much family."

David's hand travelled to Jimmy's waist, and stayed there as he got introduced around to everyone, surrounded by the cacophony of family and Christmas music warming the night, smiling and seeming at ease the whole time.

His whole "romantic" life, as Jimmy'd considered it, had always felt wrong somehow, slow. Expected and boring.

And now, in one night, he felt like he'd had his first real first date and was taking his boyfriend to meet the family all at the same time. It was crazy. It was stupid. It was uncontrollable.

And as natural and exhilarating as it must feel for a bird to fly.

Jimmy opened his mouth, closed it. Shook his head and grinned, leaning in close to speak in David's ear.

"I feel like a fool teenager."

David grinned back, and then leaned forward and quickly, lightly, touched his lips to Jimmy's.

Jimmy guessed it was about time.


End file.
